a living curse

stop...
stop staring at me..
stop whispering about me..
stop everything about me..
i can see and i can hear..
for i am human too..

the smile on my face..
the mask that i've put on..
are you happy??
are you satisfied??

look at the sky..
look at them other..
look at me..
i am like a walking trophy..
not a mere mortal..

reaching over to connect..
to be one..
to feel like i am me..
but as i grasp..
they disappear leaving actor to please me..

laugh, shout or scream
dont bow, salut or even dream to be me
this gift is nothing but a curse
i dont want to dream
i want to breath..
and live like you..
for i am me

Beast

Mother..
if you can hear me..
then forgive me..
because beauty had betrayed me..
as i had betrayed her..

Mother..
i had succumbed to the enemy..
i had fail to protect her..
i had neglect your warning..

Mother..
no longer can i play with her..
She was no longer clear..
but as black as her hatred with fear..
Because i had poison her

Mother..
she was almost lost now..
her visciousness was like a curse..
that she attack us and suck the land..
leave us in fear while laughing out loud

only her pictured remain..
to remind me
of what was once before
the beauty of the sea..

Beauty

My son..
open your eyes and see..
lavish the beauty that will last..
the cystral clear water..
the breath of fresh air..

My son..
there are enemy of the beauty..
the one that kills it softly..
they drop poison onto it..
kiling the beauty softly..

My son..
the enemy are every where
they hide in oneself..
like a devil that sneak slowly..
they throw..they steal..they spill..
they kill the beauty..

My son..
beauty is hurt..
beauty is dying..
let us help her..
by stopping the enemy..

Take Time

Take time to realize..
That you and me
need to be wise..
to move on in our live..

i am what i am..
i do what i want..
i know what i want..
that she is all that i ever wanted..

Take time to realize..
that we are not meant to be together..
as we need to realize..
that the feeling is never there..

Open Up For Me..

a picture..
screamed loud and clear..
of a story which one could never hear..
but see with our eyes crystal clear..
but sometimes decieved us..
and leaves us in tear..

show me love..
leave your fear..

she is not for you..
as he is not for me..

dance with me..
feel the beat..
rise from the heat..
and swing with me..

forget the past..
build the future..
and see me know as i see you forever..

Heaven on Earth

i would sit there for hours..
just to wacth him..
he swept me off my feet with cold soft kissess blowing on my skin.
he breath of salty air..
which reminds me about home..

he roars as he crash himself onto the floor..
heave himself down with a waving flow..
full of passion and sound..
which is the music of mylife..

like a hopeless romantic fool..
i look at my love..
the only place where i can find peace..

sometimes i would join to reunite with him..
which can drown me..
so full with adoration..
it made me shiver with excitment as he spalsh onto me..

he would hear me..
he would watch me..
he would always be there..

if heaven is on earth..
i know it'll be him..

The Devil's misery

Ramadan is coming and someone is leaving,
all the angels are hunting,
the devil's are hiding,
all of them dreaded the leaving.

to where, to where,
back to the hometown the angel's screaming,
but where, but where,
where you could feel the fire burning.

what now, what now,
each one will get their chain,
what for, what for,
to embrace themselves for the pain,

why..oh why..
because you let the adam's astray
why..oh why..
because you have to pay,

till when..till when
until Ramadan is over you'll be here,
till when..till when
when Syawal is here

Lestade....

Nadia ...(jouRNalist)

i am trying to gather as much information as possible about Lestade. is he for real or just another myth?. what I've known that he was claimed to be the first of his kind. i don't want to affect all of you through my point of view. because of that, i want you to see him through the stories about him and look at him from certain perspective from those who had encounter with him and is still alive.

fiona ...( hotel receptionist)
Lestade ...hmm.. i remember him. no one could forget such person. i remember he was all alone when he first check into the hotel. with his hazel brown eyes, white pasty complexion and raven black hair he looks so develishly handsome. when he talks to me i felt like something is fluttering in my heart. it was as if i was in a trance. but he does not even asked me out, maybe he does not possess any courage to do so. weird thing is that i only managed to get a dlimpse of him after 7.00 p.m. maybe that is the reason he looks so white and pale, as if he had no blood running in his vein.

George..( business Associate,40 years old)
i had been working for Lestade for my whole life. when i was a teenager i was a reckless person. i was brought up in an orphanage and at the age of 13 years old i ran away. i'm all alone in this world with no money, aim and reason to live. one night as i was sleeping under the bridge shiviring with cold and hunger, he came to me. he said "i've been watching you for days now" then he throw me a packet of sandwiches. i was famished that i ate without thinking. the sandwiches was like food from heaven compared to the leftover that i ate from the garbage. then i asked him"what do you want mister? i aint got nothing to give you mister". He was very attractive though i felt like i want to run away my feet felt heavy as if it was planted in the cement. "come and work for me child you have nothing to lose and a lot to gain", he said. i cannot think properly aside from food and shelter so i accepted the offer. Now look how rich i have become and i could eat more than just sandwiches.

Fiona...(hotel Receptionist)
one day i saw him. he seems to be absorbed in a conversation with Duke Micheal. Everyone know about Duke and every lady wants to be with him. Especially after the death of his wife and daughter recently. he was so sad that rumours from the maid said that he spend most of his time in the cemetary and wish not to be disturb.well when you are as rich as him, you dont have to think about the tax, money for the food and debt.


John ...( ex - reverend in asylum)
Lestade?? curse you..i pray to god, those who associatedwith him. he is the devil in disguised will be banished into the fire of hell. god protect me, have mercy for me. he is everywhere and run while you still can. .believe me no human is mortal and he never aged. because he is the devil son.

Nadia..( journalist)
it gaves me the creep after the meeting. i began to have strange feeling about Lestade. sometimes i felt that someone is following me or watching me. i must speak to John again and gather more information. Why does he reacted that way about him. i have spoken to the nurses and they said John was suffering from mental illness. he was caught killing a women by chopping her head off with an axe and claimming that she is a devil. what terrified me is that the women was her wife.

Duke Micheal
i have no information about Lestade whereabout. he destroyed my life. he promise me something which i wanted the most. But it turn out to be a curse. i detest him and i hope he would suffer. maybe when i'm ready i would give you a call. but i am only available at night.

Nadia..( journalist)
i have recieved a phone called and in friday night i would be meeting Duke micheal. things seems to be so well. however i recieved a bad new, John is dead. I did managed to come to his funeral. there were no relative only a couple of guest arrive. when i looked at him i was shocked there are two punctured marks on his neck where blood is still dripping. this is weird because he was already dead and the cause of death is because he fall from the tenth floor. something is not right here. i was beginning to rethink about my mission.

Lena..age 92
My grandmother knew him. she helped his mother during his birth. my grandmother is a midwives. so she could tell that his mother is having twins. what i was going to tell you will shocked you and is very evil. when her mother is pregnant she always come and asked for my grandmother help. She kept complaining about the pain she had and she even said that she could feel that the twin fighting one another like a male cats fighting for its territory. Later when she gave bith, there was only Lestade, no other baby. his mother was so shocked and she died from too many blood lost. My grandmother believe that Lestade ate his own twin and she swears that the baby was devouring blood as he suck the mother's blood on his finger. My grandmother tested this by cutting her finger and letting the baby tatse it. Lestade was sucking the blood like a baby sucking milk from the mother breast.

Nadia..(journalist)
i become more confused i cannot find any sign to indicate that the old women is senile. but how can Lestade be born in her grandmother age while Lena was almost 100 years old. suddenly John words crept into my mind.

Duke Micheal..
I was doomed and god would never forgive me. i had succumb to the devil and denied the god. you see after my wife and daughter died i was going to end my life. but i was not brave enough to end it myself. i met Lestade at a bar and while i was drunk i told him about it and he agreed to end my life. But he asked me to go and watched the last sunrise and sunset that i would ever experieneced. Little that i know, he was turning me into a monster. i was changed into the living dead. just like him.it was painful and horrable. i was unable to consume any food but instead i was carving for blood. he teach me to suck the blood from a human being. i was unable to do so. i was too scared and i hate myself. so i begin to rely on rats and cats. however one night i was unable to control myself and i attack a women. after i have sucked her blood i began to regret it. Lestade came and told me i could undo it by giving her my blood. that was what i did. which make it more worst as she had become the likes of me and Lestade. Last time i heard, she was killed by her own husband. now i was depending on the blood supply from an agent which i had paid handsomely. i had a massive row with Lestade, i think he had vanished himself in another country after he took some of my money just like in our agreement so that he would leave me alone.

Nadia ...( journalist )
i was still searching for Lestade but i failed to find any trace. just like a ghost that did not leave any trace. but i would not give up hope and i had promised Duke to keep this thing as a secret. while he had joked about turning me into the likes of him if it leaks out. the thought of it made me shiver. but somehow i did managed to make out what type of person he is and i will not stop finding the truth. i hope you too would do the same

how do i learn to read and lovin it...

When i was five years old i can read already. somehow my mother found my ability fascinating. why? because at that time kids usually are proficient in reading at the age of six and seven, not to mention i didn't have any formal education on reading. My mother is the one who teach me ABC and how to read. the first book that i have read is Doraemon. Why Doraemon?? the stories goes like this.
My sibling and i were addicted to Doraemon comic books. however i cannot read and i was relying help from both my sister to read aloud for me. We would huddled closely the tree of us at one Doraemon comic book while my sister take turn in reading aloud. Pretty soon they began to lost their patient and giggle at the jokes while reading it silently. it leaves me wondering and i would beg them to read it to me. they would complain to me " Nadia, it is tiring and the jokes are not funny anymore when we are reading it aloud". i was angry and hurt. i vowed to myself that i would try on my own without asking favour from them. So i began to read and i was very slow in the beggining spelling for each word. i kept going back and fourth to ask my mother when i was facing difficulties. After a couple of Doraemon comics i was already as good as my brother and sisters. little that i know my mother was observing my progress and i could say that she was imperess because she treats me a couple of Doraemon comics, fable and fairy tales stories after that.

then i began to have such passion and thirst for reading. i want to read, read and read. i began searching for stories books around the house. My mother encourages this habit by taking me to the library regulary. My speed reading also seems to improved that while in class i could finished reading the reading text faster than anyone in my class. i hated the food that they serve in the school canteen so i rather spend most of the recess time in the library reading books.

the book that i read was increasing in term of its volume thickness. i found it interesting to challenged myself readig books no matter how hard or boring it is i must finished it. i also began to fall in love for novels with series, i have a collection of 'Penyiasat Siri Salmah' and "Kembar di Sekolah Asrama', which i found out later was a translated novel from english to Malay. i have always suspected it due to some issues in the novel like the four season and name of the character which is foreign to our country.

somehow my mother fret about my habit, especially when the UPSR is closing by.

After UPSR i had all the time in the world to read. i would skip classes most of the time because i found it was more comfortable and i could concertrate better in my reading. At this time my mother began to introduce me to read English novel, which seems quite late. before this i've only read english fabel stories and fairy tale. the first Enlish novel that i had read is 'the mystry man' by Enid Blyton. how can i tell you about my feeling at that time. I was struck by Enid Blyton creativity and how he could make me feel as if i was there and was able to pictured why certain decicion were taken.

after that, i read another novel entitled 'Secret Garden'.i would always remenber about this o play with novel because the author managed to express his idea and feeling of the character was magical. it has also inspired me to read more. my passion is reading and i was born to read.